


It’s Quiet Company

by Mochi (spacestationtrustfund)



Category: Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Diaspora, Gen, Puns & Word Play, SPIDERS GRANTAIRE, Spider Forgery, Spiders, Survivor Guilt, this isn't crack you cowards
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-27 20:39:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19797370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacestationtrustfund/pseuds/Mochi
Summary: Grantaire’s Queer Industry in a Philadelphia Suburb.





	It’s Quiet Company

**Author's Note:**

> Title from [Terrible Love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCf_v94B7Hs) by Birdy. Because I do not, come to think of it, have any subtlety.
> 
> This is not technically part of [19th Century Limited](https://archiveofourown.org/series/634232), but it's kind of laterally adjacent, I suppose.

“A spider farm,” said the man, a kind of confused blush high on his cheek, rearranging his cravat with impulsive fingers. 

“Indeed, what else, I ask you! It is remarkably easy to forge wine, Monsieur, for who among us knows the taste of the rarest of beverages? The danger in creating something to expensive that only the richest of men could ever possibly purchase it, and after doing so endeavor merely to set it upon a shelf and gaze in admiration upon what they consider to be the oldest fine wine—ah, but no, Monsieur, the trick is not in forging the wine that will never be tasted; I could replace it with sewer water or pig-swill from the trough outside and still none but I would be the wiser, and since I am far from wise, it all ends in the same deceptive manner. The trick lies in appearances. Men lie, Monsieur, and everything created by man thus has the capacity for falsehoods; the wine on its own is not prone to vices, merely causing them, but it is easy enough to fake an appearance. One must simply make it seem a certain way. A clever label, the right kind of wax for the seal, an old bottle—there was a philosopher or perhaps a poet I heard once who said Man was a forgery of God. The cheap replica of the infinite. Man, unlike God, must die; man satisfies himself with the purchasing of fake wine, and God laughs at our foolery. But I am paid, Monsieur, and that is what matters.”

“So—the spiders? Forgive me, I don’t think I understand—”

“They are sold for an average price of sixty francs per hundred. They are of course the particular species of spider which makes the most agreeable webs. The majority of the crowd you see here are _Epeira vulgaris_ , although there is as well a decent colony of another species which I believe is _Nephila plumipes_ of some sort. The _Epeira_ are not of the sort which dwell within in any cellar, no; but the silver webs they produce are worthy to capture Love in bed with the god of war;—they are active during the daylight hours, when most men work, so it is not terribly inconvenient. I have them all imported from France, of course—I myself may have left my country lo these many years ago, and thus my wares are doomed to follow in my footsteps, to their own chagrin. Ah! and Monsieur, there was some philosopher, I forget who, I am growing old, I forget the details, but there was someone who said that beasts do not have souls. He was wrong. One has only to look at these creatures to understand that they are just as aware as any man. Men love to prophesise and preach and blather on about what they believe the world must know, but never stop to look at the lowliest of creatures. See, Monsieur, there is one on your arm—ah! but be careful, do not brush him off, now, remember that their harm lies not in their fangs but in what they do to bureaucracy.”

“You said it was—sixty francs?”

“Yes, forgive me, this monetary system confounds me, here in America the people pride themselves on being different but space no thought to how their differences bother the rest of the world—ten dollars, I would say, ten dollars for a box of the little things, and I’ll take them and ship them to you. I cut holes in the sides so they can breathe, but they are generally not inclined to leave the box; one might almost wonder if the spiders have as much fear of travelling as some children do, when they cling to their mother’s skirts or hide their faces in the waistcoats of their fathers. I had known a client once complain that a few of the young ones crawled down his sweetheart’s dress, seeking to be out of the light—whether she’s his sweetheart still, I don’t know. I have ten, fifteen thousand of them. Some of them I will not sell. These here, they are mine, they live with me and keep me company, for I have no friends in this country, and in France any friends I would have had are dead. This one, she is quite the spinneret, the belabored seamstress toiling away at her weaving, Pēnelópeia and her loom, perhaps; here, Monsieur, I have named her after my sister—she is dead, or at least I have not heard from her since I left France.”

“It was a while ago that you left France, was it not? You’ve had the—the farm—for a while, I believe.”

“Ah, it was another lifetime, ten years perhaps it has been—and yes, your belief rings true; there are only two farms of this style in the world, and the other is in the Loire valley, if I recall the details—forgive me, I am old, my memory fails me like I myself have failed so many in my time. Monsieur, but here, Lancaster Pike, this is the greater of the two abodes. Lancaster Pike itself carries the ghosts of the men who died in the Revolution. It is a strange country, certainly, that allows its dead to roam so freely.”

“Certainly, yes,” said the flummoxed merchant, and adjusted his hat furtively.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> HE RAISES SPIDERS.
> 
> Sources, because it isn't a _Les Misérables_ fic without an inordinate amount of research compiled:
> 
> \- [Spiders and their Ways](https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Popular_Science_Monthly/Volume_33/October_1888/Spiders_and_their_Ways), Popular Science Monthly (October, 1888).  
>  \- [HE HAS A SPIDER FARM](https://cdnc.ucr.edu/cgi-bin/cdnc?a=d&d=SFC18950427.2.204&e=-------en--20--1--txt-txIN--------1), also known as, and I quote, "Pierre Grantaire's Queer Industry in a Philadelphia Suburb."  
>  \- [The initial discovery](https://needsmoreresearch.tumblr.com/post/113588844672/one-of-the-most-delightful-things-about-spiders), of course.  
>  \- [A scan from the St. Paul Daily Globe](https://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn90059522/1895-04-16/ed-1/seq-4/), which features the original story.  
>  \- [Nephila plumipes](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nephila_plumipes) and [Epeira vulgaris](https://artsandculture.google.com/asset/epeira-vulgaris-painting-by-nicholas-marcellus-hentz/kAFlQw1eQPWi9g) are types of spiders (obviously). Neither are cellar-spiders, but rather garden-spiders; that is to say, their webs look a lot more like stereotypical "cobwebs" (the fluffy kind you might find in a Halloween store) than actual cobwebs one might find in a cellar. Essentially, Grantaire is scamming wine merchants into scamming their customers by giving them what they expect to see. Remember—their harm lies not in their fangs but in what they do to bureaucracy.  
>  \- [Lancaster Pike](https://www.fhwa.dot.gov/rakeman/1795.htm) was an important site for infrastructure after the American Revolutionary War, or something like that. I'm not really up to date on my American history.  
>  \- "[To capture Love in bed with the god of war](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hephaestus#Hephaestus_and_Aphrodite)" is a reference to Hephaestus and Aphrodite. Hephaestus suspected his wife was cheating on him with Ares, and so he constructed a metallic net, which he then used to trap the two of them during one of their trysts. There's a double- (or triple-)layer pun/mythological reference here, considering that Hephaestus—who was famously ugly and crippled—was enamored with Aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty. No one ever argued that Grantaire was at all subtle.  
>  \- "[Pēnelópeia and her loom](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penelope)" is a reference to the _Odyssey_.


End file.
